1 year anniversary since I laid my best friend to rest.....DADDY!!

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND MISS YOU DADDY!!!!!!!

RIP

FINALLY REFRESHED

THIS IS MY NEW HAIR CUT, ALTHOUGH I DON'T LIKE IT, AND IT COMES WITH A NEW ATTITUDE. I'M LOVING ME... I'M MORE STRESS FREE AND I WORRY LESS. NOW THAT IVE GOT AHOLD OF THE INNER ME, I GOTTA GET TO WORKING ON THE OUTER ME. IVE GAIN SO MUCH WEIGHT OVER THE LAST YEAR ITS PATHETIC. STAY TUNED AS I GET MY SEXY BACK!!

FEELING GREAT

BEEN FULLY CONTENT, NOT LETTING ANYTHING/ANYONE GET TO ME MENTALLY. IVE BEEN ABLE TO SMILE MORE AND HAVE A BETTER LIGHT OF THINGS. I JUST REALIZED THAT NO ONE CARES MORE FOR ME THAN ME, AND I CANT EXPECT PEOPLE TO LOVE ME MORE THAN ME NOR SHOULD I EXPECT PEOPLE TO ACT THE WAY I WANT THEM TO. PEOPLE ARE WHO THEY ARE...CANT CHANGE THAT, SO GUESS WHAT I'M NOT CHANGING ME EITHER.... EXCEPT MOVING TOWARDS BETTERING ME!!

ME

I REMEMBER A TIME WHEN I WAS AWAYS HAPPY. WAS LONG AGO, BUT I WAS HAPPY JUST BEING ME AND DOING WHAT FELT GOOD. I WANT THAT TIME BACK AGAIN AND IM DETERMINED TO GET IT BACK.

FROM THIS DAY FORTH, IM FOR ME....ME....ME!! I GOTTA GET BACK TO DOING WHAT MAKES ME FEEL GOOD.

TIED....... I GUESS

I GUESS FROM THIS POINT I'M SOMEHOW TIED.... WE WENT TO COUPLES COUNSELING AND WE BOTH WANT TO REMAIN IN THE RELATIONSHIP AND WE BOTH AGREED THAT WE WOULD DO THINGS DIFFERENTLY.

I SOMEHOW FEEL TIED BECAUSE I KNOW I'M GOING TO DO MY BEST TO GIVE THIS THING THE COUNSELOR ASKED FOR A SHOT...BUT I KNOW DEEP DOWN THAT SOMETHINGS GONNA FAIL, OR SHOULD I THINK MORE OPTIMISTIC?? I DON'T KNOW BUT SOMEHOW SEEMS THAT MEN THESE DAYS DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT A MONOGAMOUS RELATIONSHIP IS...AND I'M SEVERALLY GETTING TIRED OF WASTING TIME!!

UPDATES LATER, WISH ME LUCK!! O, and Im soooo not trying to mold anymore.

MOLDING

I guess there is no such thing as a perfect relationship..... or is there?? I have come to realize that I have to mold this man into the man I want. With every relationship there is always something that you do not like or love within your significant other. I dont want to start another relationship only to learn its another failed relationship. If I want perfection...I will be waiting forever or never!! Perfection not out there I do know this. So for now; I have decided to continue to love (mold) the man that claims he loves me more than I love him. Funny huh?

WHY BOTHER TO STOP BY TO LOOK......

PEOPLE FROM ALL AROUND THE WORLD STOP HERE TO JUST TAKE A LOOK. WHY BOTHER TO STOP BY TO LOOK IF YOU WONT ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR PRESENCE. I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW HOW SHOW INTEREST IN MY BLOG AND MEET NEW FRIENDS. ((TALK TO ME))

IS THERE REAL MEANING TO TATTOOS?

No one knows better than me and the man above how much I love this man. We spoke on this tattoo for a year now and decided to go ahead and get them...but is there a real meaning to them?

REJECTION OR NEGLECTION??

I HATE MY BEDROOM..... Because its the only place that I get rejected.... or should I call it neglect? Although I have been in this relationship for 2 years and things have been ok, all relationships have their ups and downs, I haven't been sexually satisfied in months.

I don't know if I'm being greedy or is it normal to have such a healthy appetite, but I want more. I'm not saying I have to have sex every night...but once a week is good too, only if I'm satisfied. Satisfying to me is giving all the sexual pleasures one needs. I want kisses, I want my breast touched and kissed, I want clitoral action. Penetration to me only satisfies me 25%.... I NEED IT ALL.

 Being naked in the bed allows me to feel free. I feel completely ignored especially once I'm nude and he doesn't even acknowledge my nudeness. He doesn't even touch or get passionate with me. My body is not the best looking in the world...but its extra soft, and taste good (so I hear).

Anyways, I don't know how long I can accept his runic behavior? Something is going on...hes just not telling me. I'm not great at rejections...but is this what it is???



2 year anniversary...... and now stronger than ever!!

BEING IN THIS 2 YEAR RELATIONSHIP HAS TAUGHT ME ALOT. IVE LEARNED MORE THAN ANYTHING THAT IT WOULDNT BE EASY TO KEEP MENDED TOGETHER. THIS TIME WE HAVE SHARED HAS BEEN AWFUL, STRESSFUL, EVENTFUL, AND MORE THE LESS........ TRYING! MAKING ME REALIZE THAT I MUST REALLY LOVE THIS MAN. IN FACT, I KNOW I LOVE THIS MAN! LOVE IS A REALLY STRONG WORD, AND IF YOU GONNA MAKE YOUR RELATIONSHIP LAST THEN THERE MUST BE AN ASSORTMENT OF TRUST, AND COMMITMENT, COMMUNICATION, AND COMPANIONSHIP. WE WERE LACKING TWO OF THE FOUR.

WE TALKED THIS OUT BECAUSE I WANT TO BE HAPPY...SO I CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY WITH HIM OR HAPPY WITHOUT HIM. I MADE HIM UNDERSTAND THAT...." I NEED TO BE HAPPY!" I AGREED TO GIVE HIM MORE TRUST IF HE PROMISES TO GIVE ME MORE. MORE OF EVERYTHING THAT I AM DESERVING.

.....HOPING ALL FOR THE BEST, PROGRESSION IS ALL I EVER HOPE FOR.

A TIME TO GROW UP.... A TIME TO KNOW THE REAL ME

IVE BEEN LIVING IN A BODY THAT DOESNT BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND "WHY" IN THE OUTSIDE WORLD. IM CONSISTANTLY QUESTIONING WHY THINGS HAPPEN THE WAY THEY DO. WELL IM NO LONGER IN A POSITION TO ASK THE SAME ONES OVER AND OVER AGAIN. I KNOW THAT I HAVE BEEN PUT ON THIS EARTH FOR A REASON, GOD WILL SEE ME THROUGH AND I HAVE TO JUST BE MORE MATURE ABOUT THE DECISIONS I MAKE IN LIFE AND LIVE WITH THE ONES TENDS TO BREAK ME.  I LOVE ME AND I KNOW NOW THAT EVERYTHING, REALLY, HAPPENS FOR A REASON. PEACE!!

Heres my heart.........

I have a really big heart and its here that I hold it...in my hand.  Hoping to never have it broken or ripped apart. Relationships are hard to compel....and Im a strong black woman that is determined to hold on to a relationship that I feel worth while.  Hmm, worth while...thats the question. How do you determine which and who is worth while? My heart has been pounded enough..... I feel that if this relationship does not work then I will no longer expose my heart... no longer looking for long term relationships. No one will ever see this heart EVER!! I cant allow folk(s) to keep inflicting pain to my everlasting (the only real women a man can get) heart.